i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have fence marks all over my body
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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