The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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