omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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