It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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