His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
