My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
