I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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