theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
