summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
