I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
