Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
