Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
