Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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