I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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