He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
