pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
