One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
