he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My cat gives me a boner
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
