Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
