She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's the barista slut.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize