Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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