In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
