Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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