Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
