Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
