why didn't you poke me back
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
