pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize