is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
