So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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