What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
