You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
