I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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