see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
