It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
