We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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