can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
