After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
