U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
