420 ftw
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
