She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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