so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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