porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
