He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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