dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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