I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
