help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
