My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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