i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
