just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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