so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
