I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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