Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
