On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
