If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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