my phone needs a breathalizer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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