those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize