dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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