Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
