I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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