Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
