Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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