Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
