you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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