We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
