I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
